Day 4 (yesterday) and Day 5 (today, Saturday)

Yesterday was a great day.  It was Day 4 of the journey on the way to a healthier lifestyle.  I packed my lunch to take to work.  I had purchased this really cool bowl from Curves, it has a gel portion, that you freeze and it keeps the veggies so nice and cold.  For some reason - I am just not into "salad" as much - it is so weird!  But I love veggies cut up.  I am using some dip for them. And I took some boccicinni (spelling ??) which is unripened mozzarella! It tastes amazing with balsamic on it.  I have decided to make sure I get my fruit and veggies in.  I am really working on that.  I will be honest - I still do have a bit of sugar craving once in a while.  I have decided to use the 90 cal pouches, and yesterday I used the little rice cake crisps drizzled with a little chocolate.  ANYHOW.... it was a good day.  I also had the orange flavored pgX on the way home.  It always reminds me of cream of wheat porridge!  This fibre supplement seems to be working well for me!  Last night we went out with friends, and went for Mexican.  My choice was fajitas, and I enjoyed the sizzling chicken, veggies, lettuce, etc without the wraps.  Yum.

Yesterday in the pgX journal pages there was something that I have known, but for some reason it just struck me yesterday!  What?  It was the fact that so often I have grasped all kinds of diets, programs, etc for the quick and easy fix to weight loss.  But the reality is - my life will not change overnight! And as they said in the journal page "...the true answer to lasting weight loss ... Eating a well-balanced diet and regular exercise are the key components of a healthy lifestyle.  The goal of this program is to bring you to a natural, maintainable, comfortable, healthy lifestyle.   Remember to focus on what you CAN do today, NOT what you didn't do yesterday!"

It felt like a breath of fresh air!! Letting go of the past failures.... taking each day for all it is!  And living fully in the day, NOT waiting for "when I get thin" to live life fully!

NOW - today, Saturday the 15th - this is Day 5

The question for today - to begin with - is why do I want to lose weight and gain a healthier lifestyle?
Well - here are my reasons

• I am at risk of diabetes, heart issues, arthritis/fibromyalgia pain increases, and cancers because of obesity.  I know this.  I hate the word obesity - but that is my reality.
• I want to love myself fully.  I know that my outer shell is the "shell" but man alive, sometimes it makes me feel awful!  I do not want to lose tears over this any more
• I want to walk the journey with God's help and not to keep taking back my stuff - but continually laying it down at His feet.  He is my strength
• I just want to finally feel victorious over this stronghold in my life
• the physical affects everything about me - I want to feel healthy in all ways!
• I want to lose weight for ME
• I want to lose weight so that I am able to be around for my family
• I want to lose weight so I can get down and play, dance, walk, run etc with my grandson and grandkids to come
• I want to do things that I do not do now because I am conscious of my weight and its effects on my life
• I want to look at myself in the mirror and be proud of the success!

That is it for now - God is my strength!  Have a wonderful day.  Talk more later.

Thursday Day 3 (even though I am posting it early early Friday morning)

I need to get to bed... but wanted to post.  It doesn't even matter if anyone is reading this - it is helping me be accountable.  Today was Day 3 and it was a good day!  This morning I did part of an exercise that yesterday I thought was "hokey" but today, decided to go for it.  It was to find a picture in a magazine of what perhaps you would like to illustrate how you would want to feel/look/be ...
So, I pulled out a page with a very ordinary everyday looking woman (figure about my age) outside running.
She was not a movie star.  She did not look like an athlete.  She looked "ordinary" like me!
I realize that I just really want to love and enjoy life to the fullest - by being able to move easier than I do now (although I just realized that as soon as I take in less sugar/white flour my aches are minimal!)

Now at the end of the day - the exercise is to list something positive from the day - and here are a couple things I recognized today.  I felt hungry right as I was getting a couple groceries.  I made wise choices!! (the old me would have bought some type of goodie and eaten it on the way home!)  So that is a positive thing for today!  Also I realized that a couple times I just really slowed down my eating and enjoyed the flavor!  Okay, that just made me think of how my father in-law used to make the kids eat their smarties one at a time - to enjoy them!  (I am sure I am not the only one that puts a handful in my mouth at a time!)

So making good choices and enjoying the flavor - two positive things!

When I woke up this morning - I felt the "third day" feeling that usually strikes me on the THIRD DAY!  Every time.  I think it is when my decrease in sugar kicks into full gear - and I begin to get a little edgy!
But I soon snapped out of that feeling and got on the way.  I think it had something to do with starting the day off with some Everett time (my sweet grandson) and a good cup of black coffee!

I am off to bed.  Tomorrow is here and I still need my beauty sleep!!
night!

Day 2

It is almost bed time.  It has been a full day and I am tired.  I am also feeling a little hungry.  Or should I say I think I am a little hungry.  Second thought, as I write this, I realize I am not hungry.  (see what talking about it does!!)

Today was a full day - leaving the house at about 6:50 and getting home at about 9.  My day was long but it was good.  Thing is about my day - I did not get a lunch break.  I shook up the pgX in my water bottle but then got to working, so when I went to drink it - it reminded me alot of cream of wheat porridge! So I shook it up - and down it went!

By the time I was done, and back in my car at the end of the day - I pulled out my lunch and ate my veggies in the car.  They tasted WONDERFUL.

Today - I just got around to the journal entry for today - and I realize that it will be much better if I can do this in the morning - along with committing my day to the Lord.  In day 2's "today's actions" it called for me to write down my weight.  (ohhh, do I have to?)  One thing - sorry, but I am not writing it down here. (sure go ahead - take a guess :(

There is an "action" to do each day.  Today's got me to thinking about some of the things I would like.
Here are a few of them:
1) I would like to wear clothes that are in style and a smaller size.  (But then maybe I will actually LIKE to shop, right now it is just a headache!)
2) Can hardly wait to tuck my shirts into nice jeans
3) Can hardly wait to be able to climb steps without panting.
4) I want to feel successful!
5) I want to lower my risks such as diabetes (Mom) heart attacks (Dad) breast cancer (sister) .  This in itself should be the big incentive.
6) I want to live without aches and pains caused by my weight
7) I want to live in the present - instead of always thinking "when I lose weight..."
8) ..... and the list goes on.

With God as my strength - I can do it.
Day 2 is down.

Tomorrow is a new day!  Thank you Lord for being my strength!

Day 1

Early in the morning of January 1st - my prayer request (when we prayed as friends) was that I would get "healthy" this year.  You know - I am NOT getting younger (chronologically) which means if I want to do it - I have to do it NOW.  Now I realize that it is January 11th and I only have begun with Day 1 now.... but you know, it actually took me till now, to get going.  So - here I am, almost at the end of Day 1.

I have decided to take something that I saw advertised in a free magazine at the drugstore counter where I get my prescriptions.  It is called PGX and it is a fibre that you take, to help with cravings, and it actually helps with blood sugar.  I know I have not explained it - so you can check it out yourself at www.pgx.com

Anyhow - I originally downloaded the book from the website (free) and the journal as well (free) and I got the capsules but oh my goodness, they are huge! (I have this thing about trying to swallow pills) SO I opted out for the "granules" instead, which can be mixed with water or mixed into food. 

I just need something to help take the edge off - and this fibre seemed to do the trick today!

There is alot more besides this - but I will let you check it out if you want.  However - the thing I love is that this is not about weighing every day - or counting calories.  It is not about starving yourself - or about feeling bad every time you fall "off the wagon" ...

It is about "changing your lifestyle" so that you can develop new habits - and develop something that is lasting.   It is a commitment to doing 21 days ... and changing "habits" along the way.  She talks about the "vices" we use - and what keeps us from achieving long term change.  I won't go into anything else - but I just really want to begin making good choices and life-time changes.  SO today was day 1.

She (author) has lost a big amount of weight, and has counselled people in making lifetime changes.  Today - the first step was to carry and drink from a water bottle throughout the day - everyday! 

I also had to list 10 things that describe myself POSITIVELY.... and after I did it - I realized that I have alot going for me.  I need to look at the things that God has given to me!  He is not finished with me yet either!

The journal is all about making the positive changes and thinking it all over.  At the end of the day (now) I have to recall the positive things about today and look at one or two things I can do tomorrow to make it even more positive!

I feel really good today.  I know it is only day 1 and the first few days are the easiest - I know that full well.
However - this is just about change and doing it one hour - one day at a time.  Thing is - God is my strength - and with Him I can do it.  2011 - will be the year. It just has to!

Thanks for listening. It is time for bed.  Nite!

my journey

On January 1st - just after the kissing and hugging that follows the clock striking midnight - Alvin and I and four other friends went around our little circle and shared whether there was a prayer request for the year ahead.  And then we prayed together.  Some of our requests were two or three in one.  Such was mine.  I will share with you that I asked them for prayer that this year would be the year I finally "got healthy" (aka loose weight).  If you have read my other blog thoughtsfromacountrymouse.blogspot.com or even this one (the little I have blogged here) you will know already that I have been in "bondage" with the struggle of weight for many years.

Well - for at least since I was 18.  That was the first time that someone suggested that perhaps I lose 10 lbs.  Since then I have realized that it was a "teenage" suggestion but the reality is - it was my first attempt (if I remember correctly) to lose 10 lbs in a limited time. 

When I was 19 and got engaged, I was still at the weight I was when I was 18 - I was 150 lbs.  Now in my defence I have to say that I felt fine - but I did want a sleeker shape.  So - I got engaged at the end of January and my mom and I just decided to make an intentional attempt at eating healthier.  I used to come home for lunch (I worked close by) and eat with my mom.  She would serve up the plates (portion control) and I also limited the amount of milk I drank.  (we were a huge milk drinking family).  Between Feb 1 and the end of August, I had lost weight, and was fluctuating between 124 and 126 lbs.  I bought some new clothes including my first bikini!  Honestly - I remember the feeling of being able to buy some cute clothes in smaller sizes... it was wonderful.  I remember that. 

Well - within months of my wedding, I was back up to 142.  I remember that as well.  But I was still able to fit into my stuff - and well - still felt good.  I stayed there for a few years until I got pregnant and honestly, having my kids - I can't describe the joy.  But, the reality was - I did not lose the weight in between - you see - it was not all "baby weight".  And - the rest is history and the rest is a story about yo-yo dieting, feeling bad about myself, many tears, many re-starts etc.  You know the story if you also have struggled with weight.  Sad, but true.

If I had saved the money that I spent on programs, books, DVDs, diet aids, exercise equipment, memberships, plus the pages of my journal used up on this saga in my life... not to mention the Kleenex to catch and wipe my tears.  Yes, it has been quite something.  I say that NOT to feel bad about myself.  I say that to acknowledge the struggle.  I realize that once again I am here "talking about it" in public form.

Back to January 1st (a week ago) at 12:30 am.... that day I made myself vulnerable (again) and just kind of put it out there (again).  Sometimes I wonder if my friends and family get tired of hearing the same old tune.
I think not - but honestly, I myself, am tired of the same old tune.  This really has to be the year.  (does it count for anything that at least I have kept trying?  I am not quitting yet).

So - I know that God rejoices over me - dances and delights in me regardless of my size - regardless of whether or not I am carrying 75 extra pounds.  (yes, I know I "carry it well" but honestly, believe me - I would not be a "stick" if I lost that amount... I would be healthy according to charts!)  I am glad I can confide this in my family - in my friends.  I am glad that God does give me strength - even if I keep veering off more than I feel like I am on.

This has been a journey.  My life has been a journey.  God knows each step - each twist and turn - each mountain top and valley.  God knows the tears I cry over my bad choices.  He knows the joy I feel over even a day of making healthy choices.  God knows the people he puts in my life to encourage me - to pray for me - to love me regardless of how big or how small I may be.  I am blessed in that way.

I have a plan - and will be depending on God throughout this journey.  Perhaps you want to journey this with me - if this is your struggle? Email me if you wish.

This year - I have chosen a WORD for 2011. 

journey

Want to walk together?

not doing...

at this point
i am really hoping that no one checks out this blog
or that no one checks in to see how i am doing
because the truth be told...
i am NOT doing
in fact
i am rather disappointed in myself

again.

seems in life
my weight has been my disappointment often
but really
it is MY thing right?
no one (no matter how hard they would like to)
can do this for me
no one
not my husband
even though he is my biggest encourager
and also the one who likely worries the most about my and my health

no one can fight this fight for me
no one can exercise for me
no one can eat properly and avoid chocolate when i am stressed for me
no one

so
i said i was "not doing"
i also said i was disappointed by that
disapointed that after talking about it for years
and after trying and falling
trying and falling
trying and falling
(did I say, trying and falling?)

it has honestly beenmy battle for most of my life

however
i am not defeated
and really i am not even going to let my "not doing" be my discouragement
not this time
because
that would mean that I am done trying
and I am not

as long as i live and breathe
i am not going to give up on trying to get healthy
because
i want to grow old with my sweetheart husband
i want to grow old and enjoy my kids and my grandkids
i want to grow old and be able to still enjoy life
so
i need to get cracking and not waste any more time licking my wounds
instead
i need to grab my boots by the bootstraps so to speak
and just do it

just
do
it


no more excuses
no more tears
no more disappointment
at least for today
one day at a time
YES

stripped down - wondering how He still loves me!

Yesterday was an incredibly hard day. At one point I said out loud that I felt like God had totally stripped me and I wondered if there was ever a time when HE hated what He saw (because I wasn't liking it!) There are also times when I wonder how He still loves me! But then again HE is GOD!! And no wonder He loves me - He has made me!! (even if I have done a bad job of taking care of what He made!) Back to yesterday - the day was so hard in so many ways. Incredibly HARD! It has been 9 weeks of Mom being in the hospital. I have just recently joined the Wellness Institute. WHY? Well.... because I realize that now, I have no treadmill and have not been walking...
I also realized that I felt encouraged when I looked through the windows and saw people, yes, some were thinner (actually most of them) but some were NOT thinner. Old and Young... Fit and Not Fit... all levels of exercisers! But the thing is they are all doing the same thing! WHAT? They are working at getting their bodies into better health!

I debated alot before I signed up... I was encouraged by my sister (in-law) Jody who is one of the biggest encourager's to get fit! She lives what she says! So, I signed up last Thursday.
Life has been crazy... my emotional state is all over the place! My eating has been all over the place! My family is concerned about me - and I got to thinking - "So why the heck aren't I concerned enough myself to get my butt in gear!"

Life ticks on. The other day, I listened to a good friend (older retired pastor) John talk about the joys of getting older but always being young in HIS (God's) presence! Just last Friday I said to someone... "Getting old sucks!" SO as I listened to Pastor John speak... my heart was changed and I realized I am doing NO ONE and especially not ME any good by eating haphazardly and eating all the wrong things, or by not exercising/moving, or by having a bad attitude about it all!
THUS today, with some fear and trembling (I have never done the WELLNESS thing before and I just don't know how to use machines, etc AND am a little shy to ask!) BUT I parked (using my ID card) and went in, scanned myself in, and got ready - and away I went. Okay granted, today I only walked... and pedaled on the bike... BUT it was a start - and it will get better.
Today was only 20 minutes walking - and 14 minutes biking but it was 34 minutes MORE than I have done in a long time! YES... the beginning!

I could easily feel ashamed of myself - at not achieving fitness goals - or weight loss goals - or exercise minutes etc BUT I am not going to go there. Instead - I want to move more/eat properly and as well - get the spiritual fitness happening! (Giving God my day at the start - and spending time in quietness with HIM before the day gets crazy!)

I hope that once Jody comes back from their trip - that I can convince her to teach me the ropes at the Wellness... till then - I will do what I can do - after all ANYTHING is better than NOTHING! Right?

I am also in a course at the Wellness, and my ACTION PLAN for this week - was to put exercise time into my day timer so that I can begin to put myself first. As my family has said - If I am not taking care of myself - I can't take care of others! So.... here goes!!

HE is my strength! I just need to give it ALL to Him! O Lord, this is my prayer. Thank you Father for not giving up on me - I know you long to give me the strength I need!

One day at a time.....
One
Day
at
a
time!