not doing...

at this point
i am really hoping that no one checks out this blog
or that no one checks in to see how i am doing
because the truth be told...
i am NOT doing
in fact
i am rather disappointed in myself

again.

seems in life
my weight has been my disappointment often
but really
it is MY thing right?
no one (no matter how hard they would like to)
can do this for me
no one
not my husband
even though he is my biggest encourager
and also the one who likely worries the most about my and my health

no one can fight this fight for me
no one can exercise for me
no one can eat properly and avoid chocolate when i am stressed for me
no one

so
i said i was "not doing"
i also said i was disappointed by that
disapointed that after talking about it for years
and after trying and falling
trying and falling
trying and falling
(did I say, trying and falling?)

it has honestly beenmy battle for most of my life

however
i am not defeated
and really i am not even going to let my "not doing" be my discouragement
not this time
because
that would mean that I am done trying
and I am not

as long as i live and breathe
i am not going to give up on trying to get healthy
because
i want to grow old with my sweetheart husband
i want to grow old and enjoy my kids and my grandkids
i want to grow old and be able to still enjoy life
so
i need to get cracking and not waste any more time licking my wounds
instead
i need to grab my boots by the bootstraps so to speak
and just do it

just
do
it


no more excuses
no more tears
no more disappointment
at least for today
one day at a time
YES