lie, deny and look surprised! (heck, I could even try to justify it!)

I am sitting at my favorite coffee shop - Mountain Bean. I have just worked out, showered and dressed. I am killing some time before I am off to a funeral. I love this place because Internet is FAST compared to my dial-up (which soon will be history when we move!) (big cheers!!)

The title of this post "lie, deny and look surprised!" is a saying that Alvin and I have used jokingly. NOT that I feel that LYING or DENYING anything is ever a good thing! But I had to think of this saying ... let me tell you why.

I weighed in! (that is a good thing) BUT what I saw was NOT a good thing. Week 1 I was down 1.4 lbs. Week 2 I am UP 1 lb. You heard it right. UP A POUND. (insert a sad face here!) That is where I thought of the saying "lie, deny and look surprised" because my initial thought was "really?" (stepped off, stepped on just to confirm I was seeing right) "I AM UP!" "Can't believe it!"

And then, my next thought (sorry to say) is HOW DO I SAY THIS ON MY BLOG? Especially if one of my values is transparency, authenticity, honesty. I am not stupid - I realized that I had "options" and one of them was just to "forget" to post my weigh-in weight. The second option could be to "delete" the little blog ticker all together. The third option (and the one I have obviously chosen because of my values) is: facing the music. Saying it for what it is... yes, dear readers, I have gained a pound! Now the "old" me really wants to JUSTIFY why exactly I think I gained it... (perhaps it was the breakfast I ate before leaving home or the coffee I drank prior to getting to Curves. REGARDLESS... I am up. 1 LB is NOT life or death (so why does it make me feel so stinking mad!)

I really want to continue to learn to live in grace, not legalism, in regards to my weight journey. (and boy can losing weight become legalistic, believe you me!!) I really want to focus on WHO I am, not who the scale says I am. I do NOT want to make the scale my god, and do not want it to rule my life but feel that weekly weigh-ins are realistic and they are an indicator of how things are going within my body. (gotta find that balance here again) I have been so overly consumed by the whole weight issues most of my life. Sad, but true.

I really want to quit believing the lies that the devil uses to get me defeated, down, thinking I m a "loser/failure" etc... you've heard all this before I know it! (man, he loves getting a little crack in the opening of that door!)

So - I want to speak truth loud and clear! Today is a new day. Thank you Lord for a fresh day and another new day to live fully for you! Thank you Lord that I am so loved, so beautiful, so precious in your eyes, help me to believe it and live in that love! Thank you Lord that I can move and exercise - help me to do more of this. Thank-you Lord for the privilege of being able to buy groceries, and to make good food and to enjoy it. Help me Lord, to embrace life fully... to stay in touch with how I feel and what my body needs and to fuel it with good choices .

Thank you Lord that next week - is another weigh in (Lord willing) with new possibilities!! Now that in itself is grace!