So for today...
I want to eat more greens, enjoy more summer sweet fruit, and walk!
Lord, please help me.
I gotta get going!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
finding my "want to" as Lisa puts it
So, as I said I think a day or few ago - I am on the upward again. Having restarted my weight journey again. Seemed with so much happening - the last thing I was dealing with or trying to work with - was my weight. I have often said that I feel it is a "spiritual" battle and never could quite explain it, just had that strong strong sense. I still believe so - and have found Lisa TerKeurst's book "Made to Crave" (satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food) to finally be putting words to my feelings.
When she first talked in her introduction about finding the "want to" verses "you must, you should" language - I could really relate to her about standing in a store holding diet books in your hand and having the thoughts that swirl around your head. Thing is - I keep saying "I really want to" (emphasis and take not - on the word "really") and yet it only seems to be "really" until I am stressed, tired, hurt, happy, angry, you name the emotion and it works for all of them. It is at that point that I toss the "really want to" out of the window and grab the fudge that is for sale on the aisle by the tills in Walmart! Yes... I said fudge.
She is honest and actually says how much she weighs. I will be honest with you and say - I am not going to tell you yet. There is still some pride left in me. Just know that I can easily stand to weigh 75 lbs LESS than I do now, and NOT be a stick! Really. Honestly.
I realize that the issue with weight - the physical is only the outward manifestation of a bigger thing inside of me - that runs through the mental/spiritual/emotional parts of my being. I am getting that. I will be honest to say that I am really good at justifying what I eat, when I eat and why I eat. I am also very good at making excuses (well, I didn't bring my lunch cause I didn't have time, or I am too tired to cook etc)
Lisa talks about the story in the Bible about the rich young man coming to Jesus and he wants to know what to do to get closer to God. And Jesus tells him what to do ... thing is - the rich young man was so full with his material wealth and as Lisa writes "he can't see how undernourished his soul is." Then she talks about how we can say "I'm not rich. Good thing it doesn't apply to me. Good thing Jesus doesn't ask me to sacrifice in this way."
But.... if Jesus was right here looking me in the eye - and asked me to give up the one thing I desire/crave more than him - what would I say... what would I do.... what would come to my mind. Hmmm...
It kind of makes me squirm.
I know that some people don't want to make weight issues into things that are spiritual. But I have really seen what I do know deep down - that my cravings for food when I am especially emotionally fragile - actually become things I run to for comfort... so WHY don't I run to him before my stomach is full?
Let me tell you - these thoughts only came out of her INTRO to the book. I am a few chapters ahead already but continue to think back on the ones before. I want to make the connection. I really want to make sure I "get it" and can claim the victory HE has for me. Yes... even in the weight department.
Oh Lord - you are my strength. Help me to crave YOU!!!
When she first talked in her introduction about finding the "want to" verses "you must, you should" language - I could really relate to her about standing in a store holding diet books in your hand and having the thoughts that swirl around your head. Thing is - I keep saying "I really want to" (emphasis and take not - on the word "really") and yet it only seems to be "really" until I am stressed, tired, hurt, happy, angry, you name the emotion and it works for all of them. It is at that point that I toss the "really want to" out of the window and grab the fudge that is for sale on the aisle by the tills in Walmart! Yes... I said fudge.
She is honest and actually says how much she weighs. I will be honest with you and say - I am not going to tell you yet. There is still some pride left in me. Just know that I can easily stand to weigh 75 lbs LESS than I do now, and NOT be a stick! Really. Honestly.
I realize that the issue with weight - the physical is only the outward manifestation of a bigger thing inside of me - that runs through the mental/spiritual/emotional parts of my being. I am getting that. I will be honest to say that I am really good at justifying what I eat, when I eat and why I eat. I am also very good at making excuses (well, I didn't bring my lunch cause I didn't have time, or I am too tired to cook etc)
Lisa talks about the story in the Bible about the rich young man coming to Jesus and he wants to know what to do to get closer to God. And Jesus tells him what to do ... thing is - the rich young man was so full with his material wealth and as Lisa writes "he can't see how undernourished his soul is." Then she talks about how we can say "I'm not rich. Good thing it doesn't apply to me. Good thing Jesus doesn't ask me to sacrifice in this way."
But.... if Jesus was right here looking me in the eye - and asked me to give up the one thing I desire/crave more than him - what would I say... what would I do.... what would come to my mind. Hmmm...
It kind of makes me squirm.
I know that some people don't want to make weight issues into things that are spiritual. But I have really seen what I do know deep down - that my cravings for food when I am especially emotionally fragile - actually become things I run to for comfort... so WHY don't I run to him before my stomach is full?
Let me tell you - these thoughts only came out of her INTRO to the book. I am a few chapters ahead already but continue to think back on the ones before. I want to make the connection. I really want to make sure I "get it" and can claim the victory HE has for me. Yes... even in the weight department.
Oh Lord - you are my strength. Help me to crave YOU!!!
Monday, February 28, 2011
another restart
the struggle continues
year after year
promise after promise
tear after tear
re commitment after re commitment
seems "i fall off the wagon"
more than I ride on the wagon (so to speak)
but today I have been wondering
and I think that
I would much rather keep getting back "on the wagon"
regardless of how many times i fall off
because by getting up "one more time"
it means that I have NOT consigned myself to being overweight
so
with that bit of info
i declare this a "restart"
yes
I have dusted myself off one more time
and pulled up my socks
and in the morning will pack my lunch for the date
and get on with life
God please give me the strength to make a new start again
Lord, you are so gracious!
You never give up on me
even if sometimes I get close to giving up on myself!
year after year
promise after promise
tear after tear
re commitment after re commitment
seems "i fall off the wagon"
more than I ride on the wagon (so to speak)
but today I have been wondering
and I think that
I would much rather keep getting back "on the wagon"
regardless of how many times i fall off
because by getting up "one more time"
it means that I have NOT consigned myself to being overweight
so
with that bit of info
i declare this a "restart"
yes
I have dusted myself off one more time
and pulled up my socks
and in the morning will pack my lunch for the date
and get on with life
God please give me the strength to make a new start again
Lord, you are so gracious!
You never give up on me
even if sometimes I get close to giving up on myself!
Monday, February 7, 2011
how do you say restart in another way?
the fact that I have not posted on either of my blogs in a while - is not a good thing.
life has been overflowing
and just when I think I have it "all together" is usually when it spins apart
it is usually a combination of being tired... not planning meals.... not getting exercise in
I should have known when I started saying "day 1" "day ...."
anyhow - there is no other way to say it
YES it is still my struggle
YES I am restarting anew
But then - isn't each day a fresh start! God wakes me every morning with new promise and I am thankful.
With that - I begin anew today!
life has been overflowing
and just when I think I have it "all together" is usually when it spins apart
it is usually a combination of being tired... not planning meals.... not getting exercise in
I should have known when I started saying "day 1" "day ...."
anyhow - there is no other way to say it
YES it is still my struggle
YES I am restarting anew
But then - isn't each day a fresh start! God wakes me every morning with new promise and I am thankful.
With that - I begin anew today!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
still determined
Somehow - and I still haven't learned how to work this out yet (I believe I will though) but when life gets a little overflowingly full - the things that become the easiest to fall behind on - are the things that bring healthy and nutrition and exercise to my life! Why is that anyhow. I am thinking it is because I still have not made those good things/good choices a "habit" yet.
Last week was full - especially in the work department. I am part-time and yet I worked Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and yesterday. I love work - and I am loving the new challenges that go with it - but on Wednesday I felt like I was a little lax. I just realized what it really is.... it is the fact that when I worked early to late it meant that I did not get into Curves, or get to walk outside or do the dancepad etc.
So I have to recommit to that.... I just feel so much better for it!
Why am I such a slow learner....
That being said - I am on the way to a healthier stronger me....
I am sticking to that pledge to myself!
Have a wonderful day! Eat healthy! Move it!!
Last week was full - especially in the work department. I am part-time and yet I worked Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and yesterday. I love work - and I am loving the new challenges that go with it - but on Wednesday I felt like I was a little lax. I just realized what it really is.... it is the fact that when I worked early to late it meant that I did not get into Curves, or get to walk outside or do the dancepad etc.
So I have to recommit to that.... I just feel so much better for it!
Why am I such a slow learner....
That being said - I am on the way to a healthier stronger me....
I am sticking to that pledge to myself!
Have a wonderful day! Eat healthy! Move it!!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
one week in!
We ran out of water in our cooler last night!! That for me - has become a dilemma. Yes, I could drink the well water here at Josh and Leah's loft - but we have only been using that in coffee. ANYHOW ... what a wonderful predicament! (mental note: remember to take jug and get water this afternoon!)
When I read "Day 7" this morning - it began with "Creating a plan for realizing success, adhere to it ... and you will succeed!"
ADHERE to it!! hmm, sounds like a key point to me!
I am one week into the plan toward a healthier lifestyle and I am actually feeling much much better. It is hard to describe - but there is a "clearness" (vs the mental fog that I often have). I recognize it whenever I make some changes in my eating. (So you may ask - why don't I learn to stay on whatever brings me a clearer thought process??!!??)
The last week has gone by quickly actually - with only a few times of craving the sugar. As I look back - I am seeing where I have intentionally made choices. I have not been counting calories ... I have not been counting points... I have not been eating "diet foods" .... I have just been making good choices instead of the "vices" that I have used in the past. (sugary white flour foods/salty fat laden foods) Okay - I did count out 5 sour cream and onion potato chips and eat them. If I am eating some of my vice foods - I want to be "fully aware" of it, not just aimlessly popping them in without thinking.
In the Day 7 assignment - Julie says "You should be starting to realize that it is just a matter of time until you realize that you CAN and WILL get there!!" And then she goes on to get the reader to look at the past week and identify the positive actions that were taken towards the goals for the week!!
WOOHOOOOOO.... onto the second week!
Last week was about changing one negative habit into a positive one. "In a gradual manner, building one success upon another, it is time to incorporate another positive into your life!! Today is the day to begin working to increase your fitness level!!"
Exercise.... will I love it more when I can move easier?? I am hoping I will - and I think I will. Sometimes with my fibromyalgia, my head wants to exercise but my body is just too sore, too tired - too "feeling like lead" but the thing is - NOT exercising is just making my FM worse.
I pulled out my dance pad yesterday and danced to praise music for 32 minutes!! It is a fun way to exercise and I knew there was a reason I brought it to the loft! My treadmill unfortunately is in storage. With the cold these days - I just can not bring myself to go outside!! At work I climb steps instead of using the elevator. However my job is a sitting down job most of the time! :(
But - it is one step at a time.... one dance move at a time...one walk at a time... on stair at a time.
And I am still loving Curves!
Julie (the author of this book/journal/plan) also encourages us to speak words of affirmation to ourselves ... and today's goes like this:
AM Affirmation: I believe in my ability to improve my health, my attitude and my life. I am worthy of the best that life has to offer and today I have the opportunity to get closer to realizing my dreams and goals. I want to add - YES... with God's help!!
Now.... where is the dance pad? Gotta go dance!
When I read "Day 7" this morning - it began with "Creating a plan for realizing success, adhere to it ... and you will succeed!"
ADHERE to it!! hmm, sounds like a key point to me!
I am one week into the plan toward a healthier lifestyle and I am actually feeling much much better. It is hard to describe - but there is a "clearness" (vs the mental fog that I often have). I recognize it whenever I make some changes in my eating. (So you may ask - why don't I learn to stay on whatever brings me a clearer thought process??!!??)
The last week has gone by quickly actually - with only a few times of craving the sugar. As I look back - I am seeing where I have intentionally made choices. I have not been counting calories ... I have not been counting points... I have not been eating "diet foods" .... I have just been making good choices instead of the "vices" that I have used in the past. (sugary white flour foods/salty fat laden foods) Okay - I did count out 5 sour cream and onion potato chips and eat them. If I am eating some of my vice foods - I want to be "fully aware" of it, not just aimlessly popping them in without thinking.
In the Day 7 assignment - Julie says "You should be starting to realize that it is just a matter of time until you realize that you CAN and WILL get there!!" And then she goes on to get the reader to look at the past week and identify the positive actions that were taken towards the goals for the week!!
WOOHOOOOOO.... onto the second week!
Last week was about changing one negative habit into a positive one. "In a gradual manner, building one success upon another, it is time to incorporate another positive into your life!! Today is the day to begin working to increase your fitness level!!"
Exercise.... will I love it more when I can move easier?? I am hoping I will - and I think I will. Sometimes with my fibromyalgia, my head wants to exercise but my body is just too sore, too tired - too "feeling like lead" but the thing is - NOT exercising is just making my FM worse.
I pulled out my dance pad yesterday and danced to praise music for 32 minutes!! It is a fun way to exercise and I knew there was a reason I brought it to the loft! My treadmill unfortunately is in storage. With the cold these days - I just can not bring myself to go outside!! At work I climb steps instead of using the elevator. However my job is a sitting down job most of the time! :(
But - it is one step at a time.... one dance move at a time...one walk at a time... on stair at a time.
And I am still loving Curves!
Julie (the author of this book/journal/plan) also encourages us to speak words of affirmation to ourselves ... and today's goes like this:
AM Affirmation: I believe in my ability to improve my health, my attitude and my life. I am worthy of the best that life has to offer and today I have the opportunity to get closer to realizing my dreams and goals. I want to add - YES... with God's help!!
Now.... where is the dance pad? Gotta go dance!
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