So, as I said I think a day or few ago - I am on the upward again. Having restarted my weight journey again. Seemed with so much happening - the last thing I was dealing with or trying to work with - was my weight. I have often said that I feel it is a "spiritual" battle and never could quite explain it, just had that strong strong sense. I still believe so - and have found Lisa TerKeurst's book "Made to Crave" (satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food) to finally be putting words to my feelings.
When she first talked in her introduction about finding the "want to" verses "you must, you should" language - I could really relate to her about standing in a store holding diet books in your hand and having the thoughts that swirl around your head. Thing is - I keep saying "I really want to" (emphasis and take not - on the word "really") and yet it only seems to be "really" until I am stressed, tired, hurt, happy, angry, you name the emotion and it works for all of them. It is at that point that I toss the "really want to" out of the window and grab the fudge that is for sale on the aisle by the tills in Walmart! Yes... I said fudge.
She is honest and actually says how much she weighs. I will be honest with you and say - I am not going to tell you yet. There is still some pride left in me. Just know that I can easily stand to weigh 75 lbs LESS than I do now, and NOT be a stick! Really. Honestly.
I realize that the issue with weight - the physical is only the outward manifestation of a bigger thing inside of me - that runs through the mental/spiritual/emotional parts of my being. I am getting that. I will be honest to say that I am really good at justifying what I eat, when I eat and why I eat. I am also very good at making excuses (well, I didn't bring my lunch cause I didn't have time, or I am too tired to cook etc)
Lisa talks about the story in the Bible about the rich young man coming to Jesus and he wants to know what to do to get closer to God. And Jesus tells him what to do ... thing is - the rich young man was so full with his material wealth and as Lisa writes "he can't see how undernourished his soul is." Then she talks about how we can say "I'm not rich. Good thing it doesn't apply to me. Good thing Jesus doesn't ask me to sacrifice in this way."
But.... if Jesus was right here looking me in the eye - and asked me to give up the one thing I desire/crave more than him - what would I say... what would I do.... what would come to my mind. Hmmm...
It kind of makes me squirm.
I know that some people don't want to make weight issues into things that are spiritual. But I have really seen what I do know deep down - that my cravings for food when I am especially emotionally fragile - actually become things I run to for comfort... so WHY don't I run to him before my stomach is full?
Let me tell you - these thoughts only came out of her INTRO to the book. I am a few chapters ahead already but continue to think back on the ones before. I want to make the connection. I really want to make sure I "get it" and can claim the victory HE has for me. Yes... even in the weight department.
Oh Lord - you are my strength. Help me to crave YOU!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment