Recap from today - August 9

I began today full of optimism and hope.  It is always this way when I rejoin WW and get going again.  And, that is good!  I had wanted to preplan the day - and what I would be eating, but the thing was, I was going to be eating out for two of the meals.  SO I would just have to make the best choice out of the eating out opportunity.

I began the day, committing it, and my weight struggle/journey to the Lord.  That for me, is the best thing ever!  To give my day to the One who gives me the strength to take each minute - each hour - each day.  One day at a time!

I have decided a few things - basically I want to get back on the band wagon in a couple areas: drinking my water, following the WW plan to the best of my ability, and exercising.

I have just finished my smoothie (made Alvin and I both one when we got home).  SOOOOO yummy:
1 frozen banana, about a cup of frozen strawberries, 5 slices of canned peaches, 1/4 cup plain yogurt, some stevia to sweeten and some water!  SO good and all except the yogurt - the fruit is free!!  (Love the new ww plan!)

Now I am going to head to bed.  I am pumped that my day got off to a good start!  YOOOHOOOOO!


EXERCISED:
Curves - 30 minutes

Pedometer (which I only put on at 3 pm HOWEVER - I logged 10,566 steps by walking with my daughter Ashley, and then tonight walking a long way with my friend Betty!!

How do I feel today:  happy!!

Thank you Lord for your strength today!  Thank you.
I am now off to sleep!!

picking myself up, dusting myself off ... again

questions that constantly boing around in my mind are:

• how many times can I get up when I fall...
• how many times can I dust myself off
• will I ever do it
• and when

the answers to the above are:

• Lord willing I will get up EVERY time I fall
• I will continue to dust myself off and walk straight
• Only God knows if I will ever do it but I believe that with HIS help, I WILL
• as to when ~ oh Lord, may it be this time!!

Tonight I walked into Weight Watcher's at a different site, with a different lecturer. Normally I go to the site at the hotel on Tuesdays, but I needed to regroup and begin again tonight.  I just needed to.  NO IT COULD NOT WAIT A DAY!

You see, I joined again a number of weeks ago, but then I got sick and didn't go, so I was UP ... and then I went and I was DOWN and then I have missed the last few (3) weeks and I am UP (can you see a continual pattern in this!)

While I waited for my turn at the scale. I was wondering "what am I going to say"...

I got up there, and she greeted me and asked me how I was.

"Much better now that I am back" was my reply.

"You are back and that is what counts" was her response.  

I went and sat down in the basement of the church, and looked around.  FOR SURE there were 50 people.  50 people like me ... struggling with 1 - 2- 10 - 30 - 50 - 75 + lbs, and all on the same journey - and there for the same reasons even though we represented young - old - older .... youth - women and men.  

The lecturer got up and I could not believe it when I walked out of there and realize that she talked for at least 45 minutes.  I have never heard SUSAN before, but I certainly know WHY she is a lecturer for weight watchers.  Some of what she said struck many chords within me.  And it was obvious she struck others as well.  The thing I noticed is that she was so positive.  "So you goofed up - just get back to making good choices. "

Here are some things that stuck a chord with me:

"no food is evil ~ but there are just better choices"

"plan to be successful and organize yourself"

"when you make good choices - you have to realize/look at how much better you feel!"

"forget about LOSING WEIGHT and just commit to GETTING HEALTHY"

"we have to be able to manage and maintain to the best of our ability"

"the journey should be filled with happiness"

I walked out of there feeling like "yes"  "I can do it"

I want to quit looking back.

I know you have heard me saying these same things before ...

that I want to give it all to God

that I want to shed the weight with HIS help

that I want to "die to self"

that I am tired of the battle

yes, yes, yes and YES

you have heard me speak it

Lord Willing, finally you will see me do it, with God's help.

I realize I am posting this very early on Tuesday morning, but I just can't sleep yet, so with this I will shut down the computer and get to bed.  With God's help "I can scale a mountain" it says in the Bible.

This IS a pretty big mountain - about 75 lbs worth of mountain.

Let's see.... if I lose 5 LBS a month - that will take me to October of 2012.  Totally doable. However I realize that I need to take it one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time.  IF ONLY I COULD JUST LOSE 10 LBS ... it will feel like I have begun!  It is up to me - to keep giving it to God and to keep doing what I can to the best of my ability.  O Lord, please be my strength.  I think that often God must wonder why I cry over the same pounds (and have been crying over them for years).  I think he often must wonder why I keep running to food instead of him.

I really want to crack this code!!  And again I ask, O Lord, please be my strength.

NOW with that - I am going to sleep ... will write down some of my daily decisions later when I get up.

getting back on the wagon ~ yet again

So for today...

I want to eat more greens, enjoy more summer sweet fruit, and walk!

Lord, please help me.
I gotta get going!

finding my "want to" as Lisa puts it

So, as I said I think a day or few ago - I am on the upward again.  Having restarted my weight journey again.  Seemed with so much happening - the last thing I was dealing with or trying to work with - was my weight.  I have often said that I feel it is a "spiritual" battle and never could quite explain it, just had that strong strong sense.  I still believe so - and have found Lisa TerKeurst's book "Made to Crave" (satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food) to finally be putting words to my feelings. 

When she first talked in her introduction about finding the "want to" verses "you must, you should" language - I could really relate to her about standing in a store holding diet books in your hand and having the thoughts that swirl around your head.  Thing is - I keep saying "I really want to" (emphasis and take not - on the word "really") and yet it only seems to be "really" until I am stressed, tired, hurt, happy, angry, you name the emotion and it works for all of them.  It is at that point that I toss the "really want to" out of the window and grab the fudge that is for sale on the aisle by the tills in Walmart!  Yes... I said fudge.

She is honest and actually says how much she weighs.  I will be honest with you and say - I am not going to tell you yet.  There is still some pride left in me.  Just know that I can easily stand to weigh 75 lbs LESS than I do now, and NOT be a stick!  Really.  Honestly. 

I realize that the issue with weight - the physical is only the outward manifestation of a bigger thing inside of me - that runs through the mental/spiritual/emotional parts of my being.  I am getting that.  I will be honest to say that I am really good at justifying what I eat, when I eat and why I eat.  I am also very good at making excuses (well, I didn't bring my lunch cause I didn't have time, or I am too tired to cook etc)

Lisa talks about the story in the Bible about the rich young man coming to Jesus and he wants to know what to do to get closer to God.  And Jesus tells him what to do ... thing is - the rich young man was so full with his material wealth and as Lisa writes "he can't see how undernourished his soul is."  Then she talks about how we can say "I'm not rich.  Good thing it doesn't apply to me.  Good thing Jesus doesn't ask me to sacrifice in this way." 

But.... if Jesus was right here looking me in the eye - and asked me to give up the one thing I desire/crave more than him - what would I say... what would I do.... what would come to my mind.  Hmmm...
It kind of makes me squirm.

I know that some people don't want to make weight issues into things that are spiritual.  But I have really seen what I do know deep down - that my cravings for food when I am especially emotionally fragile - actually become things I run to for comfort... so WHY don't I run to him before my stomach is full?

Let me tell you - these thoughts only came out of her INTRO to the book.  I am a few chapters ahead already but continue to think back on the ones before.  I want to make the connection.  I really want to make sure I "get it" and can claim the victory HE has for me.  Yes... even in the weight department. 

Oh Lord - you are my strength.  Help me to crave YOU!!!

made to crave

another restart

the struggle continues
year after year
promise after promise
tear after tear
re commitment after re commitment

seems "i fall off the wagon"
more than I ride on the wagon (so to speak)

but today I have been wondering
and I think that
I would much rather keep getting back "on the wagon"
regardless of how many times i fall off
because by getting up "one more time"
it means that I have NOT consigned myself to being overweight

so
with that bit of info
i declare this a "restart"

yes
I have dusted myself off one more time
and pulled up my socks
and in the morning will pack my lunch for the date
and get on with life

God please give me the strength to make a new start again
Lord, you are so gracious!
You never give up on me
even if sometimes I get close to giving up on myself!

how do you say restart in another way?

the fact that I have not posted on either of my blogs in a while - is not a good thing.
life has been overflowing
and just when I think I have it "all together" is usually when it spins apart
it is usually a combination of being tired... not planning meals.... not getting exercise in
I should have known when I started saying "day 1"  "day ...."

anyhow - there is no other way to say it
YES it is still my struggle
YES I am restarting anew

But then - isn't each day a fresh start!  God wakes me every morning with new promise and I am thankful.
With that - I begin anew today!