picking myself up, dusting myself off ... again

questions that constantly boing around in my mind are:

• how many times can I get up when I fall...
• how many times can I dust myself off
• will I ever do it
• and when

the answers to the above are:

• Lord willing I will get up EVERY time I fall
• I will continue to dust myself off and walk straight
• Only God knows if I will ever do it but I believe that with HIS help, I WILL
• as to when ~ oh Lord, may it be this time!!

Tonight I walked into Weight Watcher's at a different site, with a different lecturer. Normally I go to the site at the hotel on Tuesdays, but I needed to regroup and begin again tonight.  I just needed to.  NO IT COULD NOT WAIT A DAY!

You see, I joined again a number of weeks ago, but then I got sick and didn't go, so I was UP ... and then I went and I was DOWN and then I have missed the last few (3) weeks and I am UP (can you see a continual pattern in this!)

While I waited for my turn at the scale. I was wondering "what am I going to say"...

I got up there, and she greeted me and asked me how I was.

"Much better now that I am back" was my reply.

"You are back and that is what counts" was her response.  

I went and sat down in the basement of the church, and looked around.  FOR SURE there were 50 people.  50 people like me ... struggling with 1 - 2- 10 - 30 - 50 - 75 + lbs, and all on the same journey - and there for the same reasons even though we represented young - old - older .... youth - women and men.  

The lecturer got up and I could not believe it when I walked out of there and realize that she talked for at least 45 minutes.  I have never heard SUSAN before, but I certainly know WHY she is a lecturer for weight watchers.  Some of what she said struck many chords within me.  And it was obvious she struck others as well.  The thing I noticed is that she was so positive.  "So you goofed up - just get back to making good choices. "

Here are some things that stuck a chord with me:

"no food is evil ~ but there are just better choices"

"plan to be successful and organize yourself"

"when you make good choices - you have to realize/look at how much better you feel!"

"forget about LOSING WEIGHT and just commit to GETTING HEALTHY"

"we have to be able to manage and maintain to the best of our ability"

"the journey should be filled with happiness"

I walked out of there feeling like "yes"  "I can do it"

I want to quit looking back.

I know you have heard me saying these same things before ...

that I want to give it all to God

that I want to shed the weight with HIS help

that I want to "die to self"

that I am tired of the battle

yes, yes, yes and YES

you have heard me speak it

Lord Willing, finally you will see me do it, with God's help.

I realize I am posting this very early on Tuesday morning, but I just can't sleep yet, so with this I will shut down the computer and get to bed.  With God's help "I can scale a mountain" it says in the Bible.

This IS a pretty big mountain - about 75 lbs worth of mountain.

Let's see.... if I lose 5 LBS a month - that will take me to October of 2012.  Totally doable. However I realize that I need to take it one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time.  IF ONLY I COULD JUST LOSE 10 LBS ... it will feel like I have begun!  It is up to me - to keep giving it to God and to keep doing what I can to the best of my ability.  O Lord, please be my strength.  I think that often God must wonder why I cry over the same pounds (and have been crying over them for years).  I think he often must wonder why I keep running to food instead of him.

I really want to crack this code!!  And again I ask, O Lord, please be my strength.

NOW with that - I am going to sleep ... will write down some of my daily decisions later when I get up.