at a standstill ... again

I am feeling a little bit like a loser today. I decided to do a "fast" that I got from the naturapath's office. Went most of the day - took the stuff I also picked up from the Health Food store - and right in the late afternoon, was feeling very very "loopy" .... not sure how else to describe it. So, I decided today was not the day to start this fast.

The last week and a half has been no routine, no discipline but lots of stress with mom k in the hospital and daily trips there - with hours spent at a time sitting beside her hospital bed. Why is it that when stuff happens, especially when it is emotionally involved, the first thing that goes out the window is exercise and eating healthy.

Enough said... you can figure out for yourself where I am these days.

The thing is, I honestly feel so crappy (for lack of a better word) and for that reason in itself, I WANT to get back on track. Why is this so hard? What haven't I let go of? What is the stronghold all about? Will I EVER be free from this stronghold? Why am I my own worst enemy?

I do what I don't want to do (ie the bag full of popcorn I consumed at the movie - willingly and intentionally). I can always think about all this and make sense of it - but somehow taking it and making it my life has been the struggle. God knows all about this. O Lord... change me. From the inside out. Starting right NOW.

(I would actually like to just delete this blogspot... but that would just be burying my head in the sand wouldn't it!) I am so human.... O Lord, please change ME.