old thoughts over a cup of fresh coffee

The Scripture I have used, which are at the top of my blog, have been verses that were "given" to me a few years ago ~ actually QUITE a few years ago, like about 9 - 10.

I love them. Because when I read it (I especially love the New International Version) it makes me realize just how incredibly precious I am in the eyes of God!!

So, I went to sleep last night, with many many thoughts. And I woke up with the same ones.
Mainly, that I am HIS (Jesus) beloved, and that He wants the absolute best for me, but that so often, I am too stuck in what I see as the "failures" in my life, that I don't live in the blessing!

It is so easy for me to get stuck in the "failure" section. It is very easy to "believe the lies" that I so readily speak to myself (and which the Enemy satan loves to hear!) Things like "Joy you are such a loser! Can't even lose weight! You will never do it! You are a failure!" Lately I have been doing a Bible study by Jennifer Rothschild called "Me, Myself and Lies" and all I can say is ~ it is very timely!

My husband and kids are very encouraging. My daughter has always hated it when I "put myself down" and has become a great encourager in this journey. I call it a journey because well - it is. It is a path I want to follow that will take me closer and closer to better health.
And the bottom line is - when I am healthier, I will feel better in all areas of my being.

I want to stop listening to the old lies I have told myself. I want to keep stepping ahead. I want to quit looking back. Been there, done that all too often! I am tired of my weight consuming me! Unbelievable but it does.

Call it what you want. It holds me captive. Is it an addiction? Definitely feels like it. Eating has become my friend in so many occasions. Happy? Sad? Hurt? Upset? Down? Reality is no matter what the emotion, I eat to fix it... but that is just a huge downward spiral once I do.

I have lived the last 35 years of my life trying this and trying that. Achieving some success in the early years (like when I lost 25 lbs before I got married, and kept it off for a few years until I got pregnant). It can make me very sad to think I never lost my pregnancy weight ever! Or should I say I lost it and gained it back plus more - several times!

I have more things to lose weight, than I care to remember. I realize now that the most successful time was when I was still living at home, the year I got married, and my mom helped me to cut back. I cut back! Plain, simple, and it didn't cost me anything to be on the program.

I have paid out more money than I care to think about.... weighed in on more scales than I want to think about... bought more books and exercise videos than I could possibly even handle! I have laughed, got mad and shed many many tears over the pounds that have made my body their home!

I have fond memories of my few months at Overeaters Anonymous. I will perhaps blog on this another time. There were some things about it that I found a little weird (Hi my name is Joy and I am an overeater!) But the thing I loved was my "sponsor" Bev (who was a christian) and said to me "Joy until they realize that God is their "higher power" they won't be successful in this!) Actually, it just hit me... I KNOW He is my higher power, but I have continued to try to do it in my own strength.

I realize that I need accountability. I realize that my husband tries to be that, but I am not always so receptive.

Like I said.... old thoughts over a cup of fresh black bold coffee. Hmmm.... so many thoughts.
So, what am I going to do with them?

Well. I was inspired by a cousin of my daughter's husband... how is that for confusing! However - like I said, I am inspired. She has lost weight, and has blogged about it.
I went to bed with those thoughts and with pages from her blog that I printed as I want to read her story over the past year. I am a journaller. I am also a blogger. I have often blogged stuff about my weight struggle on my other blog ( thoughtsfromacountrymouse.blogspot.com ) but I have decided to do a blog separate, and on this journey! I was also inspired by Amy who I follow her blog too, and have seen her on Dr. Oz. She has been very successful in her weight loss journey too.

So this is the first post.

I decided to "weigh in" and change some of my goals. I will try to put up a photo of me - at the beginning. I want to embrace life and quit looking back. God has so much in store for me! BUT I have to trust him on this - with each day - with each step - with each bite!

There is more to come - this is just the beginning! And actually, I am excited about this.

I want to live believeing that God does exactly what He says in the Word!! O Lord - it is only in your strength that I step forward...keep stepping forward. And you rejoice over me with singing! How cool is that!

Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)

17 The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."


Zephaniah 3:17 (The Message)

Your God is present among you,
a strong Warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back, he'll calm you with his love
and delight you with his songs.