clay

Isaiah 64:8

New Living Translation (NLT)

And yet, O Lord, you are our Father.We are the clay, and you are the potter.We all are formed by your hand.

Somehow I keep forgetting that I am NOT on this journey alone

Somehow I keep forgetting that without HIM (my Lord and God) that I am weak

and that I am just, well, I am just clay

CLAY that is crumbly and cracked

Seems that I like to go it on my own

running ahead of HIM

much like a little kid - running, laughing, and sometimes looking over her shoulder 

much like a little kid - sampling all the good things that taste good at the time

only to feel gross later

I am not on this journey alone.

And yet - when things get going well - 

I seem to just keep running - only to keep winging it ...

and then

well, then there is a down day

and instead of just giving it to God and carrying on

no, this girl runs ahead - and sometimes even binges on things that taste good - but are so empty!

yep, she does.

YEP, I DO!!

let's see - usually those things that taste good - involve chocolate!

sometimes I wish I HATED chocolate like my friend M who only likes Toblerone but can make one triangular bar last forever!!

But that is not me

And the more that I indulge - whether it be chocolate - or baking - or well perhaps those salty potato chips

The more I indulge - the worse I feel - and the deeper it seems I get

and then I just want to "restart"

WHAT THE HECK?  WHY DOES THAT HAPPEN.

I see the pattern - the running ahead - the fall behind - the feeling down - the feeling like I just failed again.

Those feelings are NEVER far from the surface.

Those feelings are NEVER good - they just seem to push me farther - my face into the dust (again)

SIGH

O Lord - I don't want to do this on my own - because I CAN'T

That is so obvious.

I am that hunk of clay that sits crumbly - and broken - and cracked (and feeling rather dusty)

And then - I realize that your hands - are right here - and they have clay around the edges of your fingernails

I realize that I am still unfinished - 

You are still working on me

I am beautiful even though I am looking crumbly and cracked!

I realize that without the POTTER - well, this hunk of clay is just well, just a hunk of clay!!  

But in your hands, I become a beautiful vessel through which you pour your life - your strength.

The clay never tells the potter what to make - 

The potter is the one that is creating, and molding, and well - sometimes taking the lump on an adventure - making something beautiful!

Guess being clay is not so bad!!

So Lord - I am feeling a little crumbly these days

Please forgive me for running ahead and help me to trust myself completely into YOUR HANDS

and to do my part at walking in obedience -

in ALL things ...

even the things that I eat

the exercise that I do

the steps that I walk

Help me to be SO conscious that I am NOT on this journey alone!

You are holding me tightly in your clay stained hands ...

Thank you Lord!